One of the things I can't handle well, psychologically, is generosity. It goes back to my low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness and other such psychological lacunae in my mental health that many of you know, either from my online persona, or from knowing me personally.
I am not sure if its intended as an early Xmas gift, something to repay him back at some point, or what, but as I sat in my apartment last night, I got a knock on the door. It was Scott and he had some groceries I had left at the Olsons house--stuff he would never eat.
He also had a brand new television for me. Its the same brand as my old one, and actually a little better than that one. And, oh, yes, it does work, since I watched Dark City on it last night.
I just feel...awful isn't the right word, I am not sure there IS a word for the emotion that I feel about the whole thing. Unworthy is not an emotion, but its the closest word I can think of to it.
Update:
Now that emotion has turned into a purer guilt and unhappiness, since I have discovered that my brother has bought (and it has shipped) an early xmas present
A television.
Now the question becomes--can I/Scott return the first television? That might be easier than dealing with shipping back the second...
The moral of this story is to shut up about my problems.
Arref is right, that's not the moral. But sometimes when stuff like this happens, that's how I feel. Even if I know its utter greffet